


terminal illness

by b0kuto



Series: love, xx ー a letter pile [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/M, Sad Ending, tsukki as doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24373843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b0kuto/pseuds/b0kuto
Summary: pt 7 of the series love, xx: the incomplete letters from Tsukishima Kei to the ghost living in his memories / a terminal illness❝ You are the cause and the cure – both. ❞— Henry Miller, from Dear, Dear Brenda: The Love Letters Of Henry Miller to Brenda Venus═════════════════════╕What’s a home?I can’t seem to find mine now.I’m just stuck in this living hell.╘═════════════════════
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Reader
Series: love, xx ー a letter pile [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753975
Kudos: 16





	terminal illness

**Author's Note:**

> took me awhile to figure out how to hurt tsukki. in my humble opinion i think one of his biggest insecurities will be losing someone/something he loves b’cos he’s always hiding his affections. in a way we are all the same; we act tough and unfeeling but deep down we just fear disappointment, or losing what we love. wow just got dark there but anywayz that’s how i came up with this story im a psycho
> 
> also, idk whether anyone is keeping up with this series but we are reaching the last letter!! tbh im intimidated by my idea for the last letter b’cos it’s character death agn + it’s non-romantic (abt friendship)
> 
> annnnd i probably need one or two days off to settle college stuff since we need to register for courses soon :-( but after this love, xx series, i have new series planned coming up soon!! although i need to stop procrastinating and start WRITING!!!!
> 
> if you are reading this ilysm for clicking in/following up with this series/leaving kudos & comments!! hope you beautiful humans have a good day ahead :-)

Tsukishima Kei’s body slacked in his chair. His shift had long been over but he was just sitting in his office, refusing to go home. I must be suffering from a **terminal** disease, he thought. The slightly pungent smell of antiseptic was omnipresent. his pristine white coat hanging behind his door, but all he could see was a coat covered in blood. He counted the number of times he had washed that particular coat: 46 times. He remembered how many times he rinsed and scrubbed down his body after that day: 7 times. But he could never remove the scent of her blood in his hands. So he took out the stash of letter-paper in his drawer and began writing another letter. 

❝ To **the cause and the cure** ,

It’s been a week since I went back home. I can almost hear your whiny voice complaining about how your succulents are going to wilt. 

I couldn’t understand how you can watch the same film over and over again. Like, haven’t you already memorized every line in tangled including the lyrics to every song? But I think I’m getting it now. Our movie started showing eight years ago yet it’s still so vivid in my mind. The oldest scene would be when you confessed to me on graduation day. I mean, you literally choked me when you were snatching my top bottom off from my uniform. No other girls were trying to get it, and this whole tradition was quite dumb in my opinion. But it still turned you into a sobbing, laughing mess when I accepted your confession. Kind of regretted pulling you into my arms because I had to deal with all those tears and snot on my uniform. 

The most repetitive scene would probably be all our reunions at the train station. You would never listen to me whenever I told you to drop some of your part-time jobs. I told you that I could travel back to Miyagi for you instead of you coming to Tokyo every single time. Tsk…you always brushed off my words and insisted on spending all your salaries on train tickets to Tokyo. I don’t know how you kept up that long-distance relationship throughout the six years of my medical school. 

The least annoying scene of you would be when I proposed to you on the day of my med school graduation. You had the shock of your life right? Who knew Tsukishima Kei will propose to you instead, wearing his graduation cap and gown. Yamaguchi told me you had been saving up for a ring just in case I don’t pop the question. He also told me you kept singing “imma bounce this ass for a rich ass” and called me ‘a long term investment’. Well, needless to say, I definitely made you _bounce that ass_ after he told me about it. 

But the most vivid scene? It’s also the most brutal scene that will tear me apart every single time. It starts with the head nurse knocking at my door anxiously, telling me a lady identified as Mrs. Tsukishima was one of the patients being sent to the trauma emergency center right now. There were three of you: the bastard who was drunk-driving, the child you protected, and you. I don’t remember how I got there, I only being paralyzed by fear when the ambulance arrived and the paramedics wheeled you through the door. I don’t remember what the paramedics were shouting, I only remembered clutching onto your hand that was stretching out to me. I don’t remember how they managed to peel me off you, I only remembered kneeling on the hospital floor, repeating “it will be okay” and praying with my bloodied hands. 

The rest of our movie is filmed in black and white. My world lost all its colors the moment when the flashing red light of the operation room sign was switched off; when my chief surgeon walked through those doors to join me on the floor, and started apologizing to me. ❞

Just like the other letters, Tsukishima could not finish writing it. Just like the other letters, he tore it into dozens of pieces and buried his face in them.

“…I think this terminal illness is killing me.” Tsukishima’s voice was unsteady. His hands gripping onto his collar, trying to breathe above the stormy waters drowning him.

“…come back to me, please…” 

But Tsukishima could hear her last words that had haunted him ever since: “ _don’t cry, Tsukki_.”


End file.
